Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

turning the tables.....

I have just surpassed a milestone...1 year with out chemo and now it has seemed that my role, at least for now has changed a bit.  I am still dealing with being a Pancreatic cancer patient.  I am ok where and the road I have to travel.  It has been a blessing.  Yes, I said blessing.  So many wonderful things have happened on my journey the past 4 years and I would not have changed a thing.  Except for now.  My Mom had a mass removed that was covering her pancreas.  She had great doctors and will have wonderful followup care.  I am truly blessed as is my Mom!

The new thing for me is to be in the caregiver role.  I knew it must have been hard for my Mom to have seem me go through what I did!  But when the tables are turned, I am an emotional wreck.  Usually just on the inside....because I did not want my Mom to see how concerned, scared, worried that I was.  I asked God a long time ago.....that I never wanted anyone to go through what I have gone through.  I guess I should have worded it differently....as to say please do not afflict my family with Pancreatic issues.  But I guess that would not have worked either, since most of my family had or is diabetic.  So I guess God wants our family to take notice and make a difference in the fight against this disease.

I have been there for My Mom and spent some great quality time with her.  I have enjoyed this so much!  But I want my Mom to be safe and live her life without pain or discomfort.  It has made me realize that I want to spend as much time as I can with Mom and learn from her...listen to the stories of when she was young and the things she did and seen.  What a wonderful thing that is!  I feel very blessed to have my Mom still here and going strong!  I now know where I get my strength and courage from.

It was easy to be the patient, but being a caregiver is a hard road.  So many what ifs and answers that you may not want to hear, but you put on a brave face and carry on.  So for all you caregivers...YOU are the strength when we can not seem to carry on and the face we always want to see when we wake up....I just want to say THANK YOU for all you do.