Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Wizard of Oz...heart, courage, brain, and getting home

My title is a litte weird...is what you are saying.  Well I was watching the Wizard of Oz the other night and the words...heart courage, brain and getting home were all the main things that these wanders went to the Great city of OZ to get.  This got me thinking about how in my journey, all these came up and I will explain, or atleast try to, hhow all these played a part in my cancer journey.  A Heart....  When my journey started, I was a workaholic.  I never took time for anything but my work and getting a good workout in at lunch.  I would go back to work and go about my day...not taking in the beauty and wonders that are in your everyday life.  I some how had gotten lost over many years.  I do not know how...maybe when my Dad died, a piece of me died too.  My heart was very guarded from everything.  Then cancer and your whole way of life flashes before your eyes and then you take a good hard look in the mirror.  I did not like who I saw and knew this needed to change...allow people in to help and allow their love to envelope you and you know that heart that had been lost started regaining strength.  For every person that I allowed in...my heart and spirit grew stronger.  I thought I could make through this life on my own, But boy was I WRONG.  The more folks you let in the more love you can feel and that can take you many places and give you the strength to conquer anything.

Courage......I never knew what I had in me until cancer came a knocking.  I was so scared, but determined but if i had no courage then I feel I would not have made the right choices or taken the leap of faith to go over 1200 miles away for a facility (CTCA).  And then to endure the treatments...the first 4 months were the hardest.  But with courage.....I continued on for over 3 years of treatment.  I lived each day like I was not sick, but I knew my body was so different and I had to take into consideration that my body can do what it once did.  But with courage I persevere.  I push myself so that one day I will be able to do a mini marathon, triathlon to raise awareness for Pancreatic cancer and for CTCA.  Courage has gotten me from where I was 4 years ago to Today.....a 4 year SURVIVOR of Pancreatic cancer 

Brain...... I guess you could consider me like the scarecrow.  If I only had a brain.  LOL  You feel like that with a chemo brain.  :)  I have not been hard on my self, but it is difficult to go from a great brain to one that is in a fog most of the time.  I am being patient with myself...or trying to anyway.  I thought that chemo brain would slowly disappear after you chemo stopped.  Well that is not the case.  But that is okay.  I am adapting though.  I am just so happy to be Alive that having a brain deficiency at times...is more than Ok with me.

Getting home.....for me this means the end of the cancer journey.  I know the journey can start back at any time.  But right now I am enjoying getting home and living my life. I know that at any time cancer can come back.  it takes courage to just live.  especially when you know that if you look over your shoulder...that cancer is in your view.  I just don't look back anymore.  All I look to are the day, the moments that we have.